December 10, 2012 § Leave a comment
It’s times like this… Where I’m “motivated” to write. Write about my last words. Write about my feelings & thoughts. The ever so raw thoughts.
Yesterday night was one of the worst nights ever. My heart felt like it was ripped apart over and over again. I had no one… no one I can rely on to save me from such torturing emotions. I slept… for a total of 1.5 hours or so? Between 1am-830am. The rest of the times, were just a mixture of a lot of crying and bad dreams.
I went to the doctor today. Went to the doctor in the hope of getting off from work. I’m depressed. Or rather, that’s what he said. I know I am. Maybe I might even have exaggerated a little to show him I’m depressed. But oh well, how much can I fake it? I AM. And I know it.
He gave me blue pills. Happy pills. It probably will trick my mind into thinking I’m happy after taking it. I thought, hey! Maybe there’s hope. Maybe If I’m happier, I’ll handle things better. Yay~ Double yay. Yay~
3:05AM. Here I am. Writing the first ever post on this blog I created on a similar night (But the crying was too much for me to write something) My eyes aren’t fully recovered from the swollen-ness of yesterday’s drama and it had to start again.
Apparently, happy pills don’t last for that long eh?
& obviously, I know what’s the cause of my post now. The cause of my overwhelming sadness.